he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
