apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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