Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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