there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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