I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
