it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
