I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
