epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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