Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
