We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
