I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My pussy is not your playground.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
