Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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