it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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