Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
