And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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