So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
