Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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