apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
