go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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