How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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