At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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