I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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