Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
