Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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