Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
