Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
