I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
