ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize