I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
