Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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