Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
