i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
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My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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