when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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