so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
