If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
