Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think a kid would responsible me up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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