I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
