Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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