Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
