Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
