I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
