I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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