How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
