Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
