Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
