So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
