Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
