Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
