I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
