I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
