It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!