I will die if light touches me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.