i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
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I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him