Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.