I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate