I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle