I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
