I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
