omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
