Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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