She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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