She said her name was "party"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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We just shotgunned beers for America
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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