Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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