Where did you get a picture of my penis
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
