i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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