and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
