hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
True strength comes from lack of pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
