tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
