i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
