And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
