u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
