Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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