oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
