you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
