Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
