i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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